A new adventure
My husband is from Oregon, and when we visited during the holidays, we always felt a sense of peace. One Christmas we decided that we liked it so much, we wanted to move. The thought of being closer to my husband’s family and, at the same time, getting away from the busyness of Southern California, had great appeal.
A few months after deciding to move, my husband accepted a job in Portland. I was excited to move and live in such a beautiful new environment.
Overcome with loneliness
What I didn’t realize is how lonely it would be. I had left behind friends I had known since junior high. This is before social media, we were all busy living life, and it was hard to find time to call.
At the same time I found it was very hard to make new friends. I consider myself to be a warm and friendly person, but that didn’t seem to help. Most of the women I met had grown up in Oregon, went to college there and then stayed to start their family. They already had their own support system of family and friends and didn’t need any body else. One possible way to connect was through kids, but since we had chosen not to have kids, that wasn’t an option.
So there I was in a new city, trying to find my way. I felt cut off from friends, but was determined to push forward and enjoy my new surroundings. I immersed myself in my work and spent time with family. Oregon was beautiful and I had never lived somewhere so lush and green. As much as possible we spent time in nature and with family in southern Oregon. But all of that was just filler, so I could ignore how lonely I was. On top of that, I was having pain and health issues.
A connection to health
Until several months ago, I wouldn’t have considered a connection between loneliness and health, but then I read this:
“When you consider how ‘healthy’ you are, you’ve probably been programmed to think about your diet, your exercise regimen, your vitamins, your bad habits, your genes, and whether or not you’re following doctor’s orders. But have you thought about whether you feel intimately supported by a community of people you care about? Probably not. But you should. As it turns out, loneliness can make you sicker than smoking cigarettes and being part of a supportive community can increase your life expectancy.”
– Mind Over Medicine by Lissa Rankin M.D.
Take that first step
I always knew that having a connection with others was very important. I’m not talking about the passing acquaintance, but real friendships. But how do you do that?
Re-connect
Looking back I’m thinking “why didn’t I call?” Why didn’t I burn up the wires accessing the support system I left behind? I was trying so hard to fit into Oregon, and missing my friends was heart-wrenching. Somehow I thought pushing forward was the answer. Boy was I wrong! Make the effort to reach back out when you’ve lost contact.
Form new connections
- Meet-ups – What’s your favorite hobby? You’ll find get-togethers for everything from knitting, to hiking, to cooking.
- Networking – You may be going to that business event, but be open. Making connections for business can lead to valued friendships.
- Take a class – Learn something new or expand on an existing interest – how about dance, art or a foreign language?
- Volunteer – Find a small non-profit that needs help a couple of times a week.
You’ll be meeting new people with similar passions and interests.
When in crisis
You may feel like even a small step is unsurmountable. When in that deep, there is still help to be had:
- Support group – If part of your challenge includes pain or health challenges, use that as a way to connect. You’ll discover you aren’t alone and may even find resources you didn’t know about.
- Hotline – If your loneliness is combined with depression, reach out for help. Even just talking about it can help shift your energy and relieve some hopelessness. Don’t be afraid to get professional help. Sometimes that is the best answer to start you back on track.
Friends make the difference
Now I’ve made new friendships and have re-connected with the friends I lost touch with. We share and laugh during the good times and support each other when times get rough. And we’re in touch on social media, so we are involved in each other lives even across the miles. I am grateful for my friends every day.